God's voice, redemption, "is that You, Lord?"

Hello there from Puerto Montt!
It is October 3rd, and it is kind of wild to think how far into our internship we are! We have just under 5 months left - we are over halfway done!
The first 5 months have been a blessing and a challenge. What exactly does being a missionary look like? Am i suffering for Christ? Am i rejoicing for Christ?
i want to walk in a deeper freedom...
i want to walk in a stronger power...
i struggle to be obedient and i struggle to crucify my flesh,
but all the more that Christ would be glorified

a short "teachable time" to share:
Towards the end of August, i really felt (~heard~) God telling me to fast on this one Monday. Like - i knew God wanted me to fast that day without a doubt, but everything in me had absolutely no desire to do so... perhaps i've become too comfortable being comfortable and so avoid anything that feels unpleasant - how very unChristlike of me. On top of that, friends were going to come over that evening for food and fellowship, so that was my excuse for not fasting - we'd be eating that evening. So, i was rebellious, and i didn't fast. I rebelled throughout the whole day, but then our friends ended up not coming that night anyway!
I have repented, and i've been forgiven, but i do think that there are consequences to rebellion and disobedience. I think in my case, 1. it made it easier to disobey, and 2. it made it harder to hear God's voice.

So, as Travis and i kept flip-flopping, trying to decide if we were to go back to the US for my grandpa's interment (is that the word?), we really wanted to know what God's will was and to make the right decision. We finally ended up deciding on not going as it just made a whole lot more sense not to go, and we both felt fine with the decision... we miss family and friends, but we really feel content and okay here. But then, the other Saturday night, as i was in bed praying, i felt like God said, "Go back to Chambersburg." I struggled all the next day and shared with Travis and we called our leaders Mike and Nancy to ask for their prayers, and after a while, i decided - yes, let's go back.
Well, then, we had LOTS AND LOTS of ticket problems, and they ended up getting cancelled, and here we are - still in Chile, with no plans to go back until the end of our term.

Did i hear God wrong?
i feel at peace
i don't think i heard God wrong
does that mean He changed His mind? does that mean His will got "thwarted?"
honestly, i think it means that maybe it never was His will for me to go back to Chambersburg, but He wanted to see if i'd obey
(even though it didn't make sense, and even though i had already "made up my mind")
Did God, the Most Holy One, who created life, really want Abraham to sacrifice his son as a burnt offering?
(Genesis 22) He wanted him to obey.
Perhaps, in my journey with the Lord, God knew i needed an opportunity to again hear His voice and choose OBEDIENCE this time, rather than rebellion. Perhaps it was God's way of restoring me to being in step with the Spirit, since i live by the Spirit. (Galatians 5:25)

That's what i love about God. We serve a redemptive God. It's the only way One can be perfectly Holy and perfectly Love - the incredible quality of redemption.

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" Proverbs 20:24